Have you ever noticed that so many of us have this tendency where it’s this all or nothing mentality? Meaning either we are absolutely totally perfect, or we are terrible. Everything is either going great for us, or everything sucks.
We see this in a lot of different things. We see this in parenting; a lot of times we parents are really quick to jump at our kids, maybe you don’t, maybe it’s just me. Sometimes I have this tendency of thinking either my kids are great, and they are doing everything right, or the tiniest little thing will trigger me. That’ll set me off, and I’ll “rawr” and go after my kids verbally.
We see this a lot with weight loss. A lot of people have this all or nothing mentality where if they deviate from their plan even the slightest little amount, then everything is terrible. Everything is shot, so why bother trying, right?
Maybe they will have the littlest of treats. Maybe they will have something like a little tiny piece of chocolate, when they weren’t supposed to have that chocolate that day. Sometimes they weren’t perfect, and they say, “Why bother! Well, I had the one piece of chocolate so I’ll just eat the whole bag. Give me a piece of cheesecake, and give me some chips!” Again, it’s this all-or-nothing mentality.
It kind of reminds me, for a lot of years I would sabotage my birthday. I had these really weird limiting beliefs regarding my birthday, and if anything was the slightest bit imperfect of how I thought my birthday had to be, then it all sucked. Everything would just go out the window.
That is really, really damaging when we have this all-or-nothing mentality. This crazy, extreme perfectionism mentality is not healthy. It’s like a light-switch, it’s either on, or it’s off. It’s either perfect, or it’s terrible. It’s good, or it’s bad.
We can’t go through life that way. It especially doesn’t work when it comes to permanent transformation. It doesn’t work with weight reduction. It doesn’t work in business. It doesn’t work with raising children.
I once heard this analogy that has to do with rock climbers. Really seasoned, awesome professional mountain rock climbers will a lot of times go by themselves. They will scale the sides of these cliffs. As they ascend the sides of these mountains, they will insert these things into the sides of the mountains.
If they happen to lose their grip and they fall, they only fall just a little bit, just back to where they were at the last “checkpoint.” Contrast that to either reaching the top of the mountain “perfectly”, or falling all the way down to their death as their only two options.
Again, every few feet that they ascend the side of this mountain, they insert these bolts into the side of the mountain, that way if they fall, they only fall a little bit.
What would happen if instead of having this all-or-nothing mentality, if mentally, emotionally, physically, you allowed yourself to have instead of that “light-switch,” allow yourself to have a “dimmer switch?”
You put these emotional protections in place so that if something happens and you do end up having that little piece of chocolate that you weren’t supposed to have, instead of totally falling of the cliff, you only fell just a little bit. And then you were able to climb back up to where you needed to be, and you kept going up from there.
Instead of having this light-switch, on or off, you install a dimmer-switch. The way you do that is by giving yourself full permission to fail. You have full permission to fail because failure happens. Of course failure is part of success. I don’t know of anybody that has ever been 100% successful and never, ever experienced any type of failure.
Now, failure and defeat are two different things. Defeat happens when you totally give up. Failure is not defeat. Failure is just falling that little bit. Failure is then getting back up.
I once heard that the biggest difference between those that are successful and those that aren’t successful is, those that are successful have failed more times than the number of times that the unsuccessful people have even tried.
Consider that for a moment, consider that with your weight reduction, the other areas of your life, your parenting. What would happen if you gave yourself permission to fail? Meaning, when those days happen, obviously that doesn’t mean take it to the other extreme, right? “Oh, I have permission to fail, OK that means I can totally pig out.” Right? You don’t want to take it to the other end of the extreme by any means.
It just means that when things fail, you get yourself back up, and you say, “OK, I’ve only fallen just a little bit. My light has dimmed just a tiny bit. It’s not totally bad, so I don’t have to completely fall off the cliff. I can just get back up to where I once was.
What kind of difference would that make for you? If you gave yourself full permission to fail from time to time, would that release the shame? Would that release the excess stress? It’s interesting because this is the topic that has come up with a lot of my clients even over the last week.
My invitation to you, as interesting as this is, is to give yourself full permission to fail. I hereby give you have full permission to fail, if necessary.
One of my mentors recently gave an acronym of C.R.R., which stands for Confess, Reassess, and Recommit. If things happen, it doesn’t mean you have to totally give up. It doesn’t mean that you have to totally fall off the cliff.
You simply confess that you had a negative experience, that you failed. You reassess the situation, maybe you make smaller promises to yourself. Maybe you readjust your nutrition. Maybe you readjust your exercise plan. Whatever it is, and then you recommit to doing what it is that you need to do.
Again, we don’t need to have this All-or-nothing mentality, this lightswitch mentality. Insert that dimmer switch inside your mind. Allow yourself to fall just a little bit, and then get back up. Allow yourself to keep climbing upwards and onwards.
I hope this is helpful. If you haven’t joined our Enjoy Yourself Thin Facebook group, make sure to do so. It’s totally free with lots of amazing content, lots of amazing support for you with you weight goals, fitness goals, and other goals in your life. Make sure to join. If you watch this on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. Make sure to install your mental dimmer switch. Love you!
Watch, “How to Overcome Unhealthy Perfectionistic/All or Nothing Thinking” on YouTube.
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