There is no cure for depression… because it’s not a disease!
I’m not a doctor, but while studying some medical science in massage therapy school, I noticed something fascinating…
The medical disease guidebooks called anything that is “outside normal functioning” a disease. Did you know that pregnancy is also classified as such?
Sorry (not sorry), but I believe pregnancy is not a disease… it’s a normal and needed function of our bodies (without it, we would not be here!)
So if pregnancy can interestingly be classified as a “disease,” maybe, just maybe depression has been misclassified too.
Depression comes when you feel miserable. I don’t believe “anger” or “frustration” would be classified as diseases, so why is the feeling of “misery” defined as a disease?
Most people think depression is a deep hole of misery: if you fall into it, there is virtually no escape. They imagine being stuck hopelessly alone at the bottom of a dark, deep pit. (That sounds terrible!)
But depression has small steps, or 6 stages, that bridge the gap between feeling deeply miserable, and feeling normal and all the way back UP to feeling amazing again!
It’s too far a jump to go from apathetic and numb to being vibrantly joyful and amazing – it doesn’t usually work like that.
Depression has smaller steps than just one hopelessly huge leap from misery to happiness and joy.
You must understand the specific stages and specific steps to lifting yourself back UP.
Each of the six stages of depression is unique, so distinct that what works to lift someone UP in one stage, will have little effect while trying to overcome the other stages.
Most people make the majorly hurtful mistake of suggesting the wrong things (actions that won’t help overcome the specific stage they’re experiencing) to “help” someone out of depression.
The most ignorantly repeated advice is to, “just go outside and exercise,” “just be grateful,” or when they get frustrated and upset they’ll say, “just get over it already!”
(P.S. never say “just get over it.” That is harshly shaming and hurts deeply. Saying that could push someone deeper into depression.)
While exercising and gratitude are excellent ways to overcome the higher stages of depression, those will have little to no effect on the “utterly miserable” deep stages of depression.
The major problem here is if that person is deeply hurting, or so deeply miserable, numb and apathetic, then suggestions like “just go exercise” or “just choose to be happy,” seem to say, “What’s wrong with you? You should be able to simply get over this right now.” Those types of statements are hurtfully shaming, and they will push a person deeper into shame and misery (a.k.a. Depression).
If you make that type of “suggestion” to someone experiencing Stage One depression, they will likely respond with, “I don’t care! Just go away and leave me alone!”
The only action that will lift someone UP from Stage One depression is to (drumroll please…) Validate!
Sincere validation sounds like, “That must be so hard for you.” “That must feel___________.”
Or maybe you can say, “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you,” or “I’m available to listen whenever you’re ready.”
(Pro tip: never say, “I know how you feel,” because most likely you don’t know exactly how they feel. Saying that could make them feel even more miserably misunderstood.)
3 Tips to Overcome the Numb of Stage One:
To validate yourself, do these three actions:
- Stand up and stomp your feet on the ground.
- Say, “I feel depressed, and that feels ________ (terrible, miserable, this sucks!)
- Say again, “I feel________, and that feels________.”
Repeat this process until you feel completely understood. You must understand that the feelings and emotions you are experiencing are valid and real. It is 100% OK to feel that way! (The key is to not stay stuck in that feeling!)
Remember this: Validate to lighten the weight!
Validation will help lift you UP to Stage Two of depression: This is where you start to feel the deep hurting, crying, and maybe loneliness. Common thoughts in Stage Two are, “Nobody cares about me!” “I have no friends.” “I am alone and miserable.” Your thoughts most likely will be destructively critical thoughts about yourself and others.
Be prepared to give yourself tons of passive nurture and care in Stage Two of depression.
Do something passively nurturing, something that doesn’t take much motivation for you to do, like watching a funny movie, looking up funny memes online, or reading a favorite book.
The key in Stage Two is to do something that helps you feel nurtured, and maybe even put a tiny smile on your face. You must show yourself that you care about you, therefore you know that somebody does care!
So many women are hurting, lost and hopeless… if I can shine just one ray of hope and guidance for them, I would do anything to help lift them UP from their darkest moments. Why? Because I know how it feels… and no one should ever be alone while hurting that deeply.
My passion and mission is to turn Hurting into Hope.
I’d love to teach you more about overcoming all of the Six Stages of depression. It is so possible. When you take the tiny steps UP, it is very doable!
To continue moving UP all the stages and totally crushing depression, get the complete guide, “The UNdepressed Heart: a Mommy’s Guide UP and Out of Depression” on Amazon.
Even better, when you join our We Can Triumph group, I’ll personally gift you a digital copy free.
Yes, I’ll give you the entire Guide UP and Out of Depression totally free!
Nobody needs to be hurting alone any longer. There is a way back UP!
Begin your journey back UP to feeling better, and maybe even feel amazing again!
My dear friend, We CAN Triumph!
Love you!
♥️ Heather Bailey
~ Join our exclusive community of amazing women crushing depression everyday. ~
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