What do you do if someone says something really mean about you? I just got my first official “hate message” on my Enjoy Yourself Thin group. Someone said that they joined the group with the sole intention of bad-mouthing me and saying that I’m this and that.
What can you do if that happens? A lot of people have a message they want to get out there. A lot of people have a business idea they want to start, but they are so afraid that if they put themselves out there that people are going to be nasty towards them.
A lot of people are like me, I’m what’s called a “recovering people-pleaser.” People know this. People that say mean things like that do so with the sole intention of manipulating because they know that if they can cause a person to question their own integrity, then they can potentially manipulate them to do what they want rather than what’s right for that person, right?
Here are three things you can do when things like that happen.
Step 1: Validate how it feels. Let’s be honest, if you’re anything like me, then it doesn’t feel good to have things like that said about you.
Now, this is nothing new to me, I’ve had things like that said about me pretty much my whole life. When I was a teenager, people would spread rumors about me and say all sorts of weird things.
Now, admittedly so, when I first started my business, I ran my business with the sole intention to feed my ego and fill my wallet. That negative energy could be felt by people around me, and people said, “Eric, you just don’t have a good energy.” Again, that’s because that’s what I was projecting.
Rather than starting my business and offering these services as a way to love people and serve them, I did so out of ego and as a way to just make money. Because of that, I damaged a lot of relationships, I burned a lot of bridges, and so there are a lot of people that will see my name or my company name, and in their minds they automatically associate it with experiences that I had created before.
Unfortunately, have you ever had someone that holds you in your old space? They don’t allow you, in their minds, to grow, change, and become a different person. So every time they see you, even though it’s been several years, they still see you as you used to be. That is what I encounter on a regular basis.
Because I made so many mistakes when I was getting started with my business, a lot of that energy is still out there in a lot of people. And of course that doesn’t feel good, to anyone, you know? It doesn’t matter who you are, that’s not going to feel good.
Step #1, when people say things like that about you, validate how that feels. If it causes you to feel sad, then allow yourself to say, “You know what, I feel sad about that. This person said this about me, and that hurts.” Simply validating that can actually cause you to feel a lot better.
Step #2: Recognize where that other person is coming from. It has been scientifically proven, it’s like psychology 101, that it is literally impossible for us to recognize a characteristic in someone else unless we have that characteristic or unless we fear that we have that characteristic. This is both for positive and negative.
If we say, “Wow, that person is a beautiful, very amazing person.” it’s because subconsciously we recognize that we are beautiful. If someone were to say, “Oh my, that person is terrible, that person is a liar,” it’s because subconsciously either they believe that they themselves are liars, or they fear that they are liars. Does that make sense?
Recognize that when people say negative things about you, it comes from a place of their own pain. They are projecting their own pain onto you or onto those people they are saying those negative things about.
Step #3: When that happens, just have a conversation with that person, go somewhere where you can be totally alone and do this exercise which will help you to get rid of that energy and let them energetically go their own way.
Go somewhere where you can be totally alone, and then you call that person out loud by name (be somewhere where you are totally alone so you won’t be overheard, definitely don’t do this with the person right there listening). Let’s say the person’s name is Bob, so you go out to your car, for example, or you can go somewhere in nature, just somewhere where you won’t be disturbed. You say, “Bob, we need to talk,” and you imagine Bob saying, “yes, I can talk.” Then you simply tell Bob everything that you need to say. You could say, “Bob, what you said really, really hurt me. I did not appreciate you saying that. That is not OK. That is not true. I would appreciate it if you would apologize.”
Say whatever comes to you. Get all of that off your chest. And then as soon as you are done verbalizing that, say, “Bob, I need to apologize to you because I’ve held onto this emotion.” And using the phrase, “Will you please forgive me” can actually remove that emotion from you. Saying the phrase, “Will you forgive me,” gets that off your chest, even if you have seemingly nothing to ask for forgiveness for. Simply saying the phrase, “Will you forgive me,” frees that energy from you.
Again, 3 steps. #1 Validate how you are feeling.
#2 Recognize that when people say those mean things, they are simply coming from a place of their own pain.
#3 Going somewhere where you can be totally alone and verbally getting that off your chest. Once you’ve done that, once you’ve said, “Will you please forgive me?” then say, “I now choose to let you go,” and you just imagine them floating off like a balloon. Have you ever untied a balloon, and it just kinda pfffffft’s around? Kind of imagine that, and you can be free of it.
Again, when people say negative things about you, chances are you are doing something right. Because when we are on the right path, that’s when people tend to show up negatively, and that’s when opposition tends to show up.
Thank you so much everyone for being part of our Enjoy Yourself Thin challenge. We love you so much. We are gonna keep posting content like this to help you, with your weight goals and in your everyday life.
Actually, here’s a big thank you to that person that sent that mean message because it prompted this message here. I hope this really helped.
If you know people who are going through a rough time, please feel free to share this with them. If you know other people who’s love language, like me, is words of affirmation, you know when we get those words of criticism that can be really, really hurtful. If you are a recovering people-pleaser like I am, it’s the same thing.
Thank you again very much. Please say some kind words to other people because you have no idea how positive of an effect that can be in someone else’s life. Again, if you haven’t joined our Enjoy Yourself Thin Facebook group, please make sure to do so. It’s totally free, and we’ll be uploading content like this on a regular basis. Make sure to smile and have an amazing day!
Watch “What to do when people say mean things about you” on YouTube.
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